The "New" Christmas Songs

Everyone knows its getting to be the holiday season and what better thing to do than sing? There are so many great Christmas tunes out there, but somehow the words always get twisted around. I have found some funny Christmas song renditions.

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer is my first song pick. As the story goes Grandma was walking home on Christmas Eve and got run over. “She been drinkin’ too much egg nog” was one reason she may have had poor judgment. She stumbled outside, as if egg nog had side effects, and got run over. The song says they found her with hoof prints on her forehead, and “Claus marks on her back.” This is funny because it sounds like Santa Claus clawed her, but it is a nice play on words. Now there’s the issue of the presents. If someone dies do you return them and get your money back, leave them wrapped, or open them and enjoy? The song says “send ‘em back.” And at this Christmas dinner they are eating goose and pig pudding. This is one Christmas I can say I have never experienced.

During the holiday season everyone finds something that bothers them, but this song shares 12 Pains of Christmas. #1 Finding a Christmas tree. This is only hard if you go with those- pain in the rear end real trees. You have to go chop them down and drag them home. #2 The lights. Its cold, snowy, the lights get tangled, and there is always one that doesn’t work. #3 Hangovers. #4 sending Christmas cards. This is only hard if you actually hand write them. Everyone just uses the computer now and its done in a day. #5 is five months of bills. That new tv seems cool now but wait till the bill comes around. #6 facing the in-laws. Not a problem for me yet, but I’ve heard stories. #7 salvation army. Do I really have to give my toys to the less fortunate? #8 those pesky kids and their Christmas lists. #9 PARKING. Horrible. When you aren’t even Christmas shopping you get even more frustrated. No matter how many places you go there is only that open spot all the way in the back.#10 no batteries. I hated when I was a kid, and still, and got a toy but no one seemed to have the right kind of batteries and the toy manufacturer was too cheap to include them. #11 stale tv specials. This has definitely gotten better over the years though. Finally #12 singing Christmas carols. Its one thing to sing in the shower but to go around the neighborhood….count me out.

If you are ever and Eskimo, or just outside, please Don’t Eat the Yellow Snow.

There is the classic song All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth, but has anyone really asked for that? I mean you’re not just going to get a package with two teeth in it. You might as well ask for something more practical.

Which ones do you like better- the original or witty new words?